There are all kinds of prayers. In my Lutheran tradition we pray using very erudite language, with carefully chosen words. We pray in petition form, making sure to cover all the bases. In my private prayer life I often feel so fatigued that I fall asleep during my prayers (someone told me that's not so bad it means you're falling asleep in the arms of God - a nice thought). But, mostly what I feel is a strong sense that I'm missing something. I've been reading Mother Teresa's private letters in the book "Come be my light" where she confesses her doubts, her pain, and her feeling of experiencing God's absence. Some people have read it and felt that it made her a hypocrite (an accusation she levels at herself). I find just the opposite is true. It makes her more real and human and helpful for those of us who struggle with her. This Sunday at True North I'll be preaching about an honest prayer life - using Jesus' prayer in the garden of Gethsemane. It's the first in a series on the Stations of the Cross. Along with the sermon and music we'll be trying some different opportunities for prayer. I hope you'll join me in trying to be more open and honest with God - so that we can experience the joy of the One who wants to fill us with His presence. Jesus was so brutally honest in that prayer in the garden and you can see how he moves from fear to conviction. That's a journey that we are invited to join. It's not easy to open yourself up to God, especially in the midst of the church community. But, if we can be that authentic I truly believe we'll be richer for it and closer to one another and to God. I believe it's a risk well worth taking.

Or so the song goes! One of the things that amazes me in the church is how unloving God is portrayed by so many. There seems to be an instance on God's wrath and judgment over an against God's love. And yet, love is the dominant character of God in both Old and New Testaments. God's steadfast love or (khesed)is mentioned over 400 times in the Old Testament and the word Agape or God love is mentioned 228 times in the New Testament. The word wrath on the other hand is mentioned 199 times in the whole Bible. Why is it we are more enamored with God's wrath than God's love? Why are we more convinced of God's judgment over against God's grace? God's love is consistently portrayed throughout scripture as a relentless love, a love that simply can't stop loving. God can no more stop loving than God can stop being God. This Sunday we'll celebrate that great love that God has for us. We'll celebrate the love we are gifted to share in the context of marriage, family, friendship and community. Hope you'll be a part of it!

In Matthew 22 Jesus tells a very odd parable about a wedding banquet. A king's son was getting married and all the arrangements had been made. Guests were invited and all the lavish preparations made. In the first century weddings were an even bigger deal then they are now, some would last up to a week. To be invited was a great honor. In Jesus' parable the guests don't show up, but, they're given a second chance. This time they murder the servants of the king. This is a declaration of war. Who would do such a thing? Jesus is suggesting that in refusing to acknowledge him, the people of Israel were like those disobedient guests. So the invitation now goes out to the unworthy, to whoever will respond in faith. In Luke's version it is specifically stated that those invited last were the poor and the lame and the outcast. This rag tag group is the church. Maybe that's not how we want to see ourselves? Maybe that's because we've become too respectable? Maybe we've lost sight of the vision of the kingdom? We tend to view the poor as people we're happy to help on our own terms, but, would prefer they didn't mess up the good thing we have going for us in church. Church is after all for us - and sometimes we'll even do the right thing and care for those whom Jesus has such a strong interest in. But, Jesus' parable suggests that the church is the band of outcasts - the unworthy,and to see ourselves in a higher way is to miss the point of grace. Like Cervantes famed character Don Quixote, we are to have a strange vision that sees outcasts as specially invited guests, VIP's, beloved of the King. The kingdom of God/Heaven is a movement of people who are developing this strange vision through the gift of the Spirit. And it's not just vision alone, but, the fruits of that vision. Where last people are put first and those who are least are invited in with to a king's welcome. What might it look like for the church of the 21st century to respond faithfully to such a vision?

American are, more than most I suspect, a people who are all about fairness. We celebrate our ability to overcome centuries old inequities and inequalities, and we continually battle over perceived imbalances in our government, places of work and even in the church. This Sunday's lesson will agitate more than a few I suspect! Why? Because Jesus doesn't care a hoot about fairness! That's a bold statement that may get your back up. In some ways I hope it does. If you want to get to the heart of the parable of the laborers, you have to come to grips with the fact that Jesus and the kingdom of God do not consider fairness to be of ultimate value. Fairness is ultimately concerned with justice. Everyone receives according to what they have earned. But, the reality of the kingdom is that none of us receives according to what we deserve, but, rather we receive out of the abundance of God's grace, mercy and providential care. There are certainly inequities in this world. One person gets a leg up on a job because of who they know, the best athletes get the best calls (just ask anyone who played against Michael Jordan!), the rich get a better interest rate than those who are struggling. So, what we hope for is that Jesus has come to set it all right! But, alas, Jesus is not so much concerned with fairness as he is with grace. The kingdom is based on God's endless capacity to love us. We receive according to the richness of God's mercy, the Bible suggests. Truth is equality is a myth. No two things or people have an equal chance. Some people (in fact many people) were just born smarter than me. That's not fair but it is a fact. Some people (in fact a large majority of people) were born better looking than me, not fair but true. The kingdom of God doesn't seek to right those wrongs or even to level the playing field. Instead, God in Christ turns justice on it's head and decides that what's really needed is grace. The reality that what we need most is God's love, forgiveness and promised presence. It is true that God moves us to advocate for justice, especially for those who are the most vulnerable and marginalized, but, ultimately God sets things right through God's relentless pursuit of reconciliation and redemption. So, some will work hard and be loved endlessly by God, while others will not work very hard and still be loved endlessly. In the end we're all better off for God's grace over God's justice. If we insist on getting what we deserve we'll end up getting far less than God wishes to offer.

It's so devastating to hear the news of what's happened in Port-au-Prince Haiti. The stories that are coming out are heart breaking. Yesterday, my colleague Jeff announced that a great place to contribute is to UMCOR (United Methodist Committee on Relief). Today I received an email about the terrible news of the death of the Director of UMCOR - Sam Dixon and the Rev. Clinton Rabb who worked with that organizations volunteer program. Both were in Haiti to discuss ways in which to assist this poorest country in the western hemisphere. Those of you who know me have heard frequently of my criticism of the the church in it's failure to be the body that Christ envisions for us. That's what makes these deaths all the more tragic. These were two servants of God who were doing all the right things, and focusing the churches attention on how we can partner with God in bringing the kingdom just a little closer. I hope their families, co-workers and friends are comforted by the knowledge that they died doing the heroic work of compassion. They leave behind a legacy of love that hopefully will moves us all to do the things that will make Christ known, especially to those whom Christ called "least of these". I am making a donation to the Haiti relief in their memories. I hope you will consider doing so as well. Make your check to UMCOR and mail to UMCOR PO Box 9068, New York, NY 10087 May God welcome these two servants into the kingdom with words of assurance; "Well done good and faithful servants".